Mercedes and I (Daddy) had dinner on the porch tonight, grubbin away on Cars mac-and-cheese. I offered it up as something fun for the two of us to do as Mommy was gone for the evening. Of course Mercedes said yes! We sat down and began to eat and I realized we hadn’t prayed so we stopped to pray. She was cute because she asked God to give Rukshani (our sponsor child through World Vision) food – a completely random prayer that is so very important. It was a great teaching opportunity for me to discuss how what she prayed for was so very important to Rukshani because Rukshani doesn’t get to eat a lot of food, for example, mac-and-cheese like we do.
After we prayed, I asked Mercedes if she was still sad that Baby Peek-a-Boo Peanut was in Heaven with Jesus instead of in Mommy’s belly; it was two months ago yesterday we found out we lost BPaBP. She said she was sad and I told her that it was ok to be sad and to miss her because I do, but that we can also be happy knowing Jesus is taking good care of BPaBP and that someday we’ll get to see her (we say “her” because Mercedes wanted a sister). Mercedes talked about getting to each mac-and-cheese with BPaBP and getting to hold her and rock her like a baby. I told Mercedes to never, ever forget that she is and will always be a Big Sister. She said she wouldn’t. I also told her that BPaBP was sitting in Heaven looking down on her telling everyone about her Big Sister; Mercedes asked where BPaBP’s eyes were cause she couldn’t see them looking at her. I explained that we can’t see Heaven yet but will someday. I then asked if she wanted Mommy and Daddy to have another baby and she said YES and that it would be a baby for her and Mommy and Daddy. Then she said “how about three or five or 10 babies” which I know will make Mandy smile.
It was such an incredible moment with Mercedes…see, while she is almost three and a half, I am continually amazed at what she comprehends. I know with all my heart that she understands the loss of BPaBP and that in her own way has grieved like we have. She will still talk about BPaBP at the most random times and even told Other Grandma the name of one of her baby dolls was BPaBP. She understands that Mommy doesn’t have BPaBP in her belly anymore. I will never regret for one second that we told her (she was the first person we told after all). I am so proud of my daughter and how much she teaches me every single day. Thank you Mercedes for a wonderfully fun evening and for letting Daddy talk about and grieve with you about BPaBP. I just needed to talk to you and know that you are doing ok. I love you Baby Rice!